Oh, money. When you’re single and living alone, managing your finances to pay your rent, eat dinner, buy the newest gadget to play with on the subway, and wear the most amazing dress to the party can be challenging enough, but when you add another person to the mix, things get complicated. Despite what any of us would like to think—that “love conquers all”—money matters a lot in relationships. I’m not just talking about splitting the cost of dinner on a date; we all know that, even as strong feminists, it’s nice to occasionally be treated to a wonderful evening out by someone else, and you’re deluding yourself if you believe that’s the only way that money will play a role in a relationship.
Money matters because of the expectations it carries and because it determines your possibilities in life as well as your limits as a couple. If you ever decide to pool your finances, sometimes your personal desires will take a backseat to what’s best for the two of you. Therefore, it stands to reason that having an honest conversation about money is essential to preventing financial problems from blowing up in your lovers’ faces. It is common for the majority of your money to become “group money” when you are in a committed relationship. No, this isn’t always the case. Some couples achieve near-complete financial independence during their courtships and marriages, which is fantastic if that’s what you’re after.
There are also financial repercussions to this: if you cohabitate, you will have to pay bills, rent, purchase a new couch, cutlery, etc. The relationship’s financial priorities are determined by yours. Spending money on yourself is still acceptable, but really large purchases need to be approved by the team. Yes, you can buy that $80 dress on sale for yourself, but unless you’re extremely wealthy, you might need to have a conversation about your desire for the $800 dress first (given that for most people that’s equivalent to a whole month’s rent). Prior to uttering phrases like “However, it’s my money! In addition to the fact that “I earned it,” here are six explanations for why money matters in a relationship:
1. Relationships should be equal—and you need to decide what that means for you
Equal relationships should always be the goal, though different people will interpret this differently. Certain individuals believe that “equal” means dividing money equally between both partners, but that’s frequently not practical or feasible for a couple. What happens if the income of the two parties is different? If they’re comfortable coming up with a different arrangement and it doesn’t make sense for them to split things evenly, why should they feel compelled to do so? When one party falls behind the other financially but is still expected to perform, money can become a significant factor.
2. You don’t want to unexpectedly need to support someone
It’s critical to be aware of your partner’s income. It is what it is. While I’m not advocating that you start requesting bank statements from your date, if you’ve been dating for some time and intend to stay together or move in together, you don’t want to find out all of a sudden that you’re broke. While it’s acceptable to help your partner through difficult times and for them to do the same for you, you don’t want to wake up one day to someone who just expects you to support them. You should be aware that although your significant other may not always be in a comfortable financial position, their ultimate objective is to be able to deposit money into a bank account.
3. You might also have to be prepared to unexpectedly support someone
Indeed, as was already mentioned, there may be instances in which you need to provide the other person in your relationship with unanticipated support. When things go wrong, like people losing their jobs or having large bills that need to be paid right away, you’ll realize that your relationship is a financial one just as much as a romantic and emotional one. You must realize that if you’re in a committed relationship, you’re in this together when it comes to money. You are going through their hard times right now, and vice versa.
4. You need to have similar financial priorities
It’s far simpler to concentrate on determining whether a prospective partner is someone you can trust with your finances than it is to attempt to maintain a relationship in which one partner is always keeping tabs on the other’s expenditures. When it comes to regular spending, you should ensure that you can both be reasonable, courteous, and open with each other. You should also ensure that your overall spending and saving objectives are aligned.
One person’s desire to save money for a new dining room table and another’s impulsive $500 night out with friends on a regular or semi-regular basis, for instance, represents a pretty fundamental mismatch in priorities that isn’t sustainable. Your spending patterns are important and will always have an impact on the other person when you live together or are in a partnership. You shouldn’t expect your partner to spend all of the money you need on frivolous things, but you also can’t demand that they run every penny by you. Since you cannot monitor your spouse, you must be able to trust their financial judgment. This is made much simpler when the two of you have comparable
5. Planning a financial future together is important if you want to get live together/ get married/ have kids
Planning for the future, whatever that entails—renting together, purchasing a home, acquiring a vehicle, raising children, taking frequent vacations—is often a part of a committed partnership. Money matters no matter what route you take because it will determine how you live and how you and your partner accomplish your objectives.
6. It’s too easy to fight about money
Money can be destructive in a relationship if you don’t give it the attention it deserves. You may find yourself fighting over how the other spends money very quickly if you don’t talk to each other and have an honest conversation about finances. Every day, you spend money. Everything is impacted by money, even where you live and what you eat for breakfast. It will, of course, have an impact on how two people who are, in one way or another, sharing their lives will coexist. It’s crucial to be aware of it and to make sure that you’re sufficiently transparent in your financial conversations to prevent it from coming up and creating unneeded conflict.